Dorothy certainly ran into her share of scary "nightmares" on her journey. I remember when I first told John that I felt like Dorothy on the yellow brick road, he said "Watch out for the monkeys!" :-)
A few weeks ago, when still in the crisis part of this journey, I had two nightmares in the same week. I'm writing about them now because the message was so clear then and I'm still thinking about it and being affected by it.
In the first nightmare, my son Jeremy and I were in New York City. As we walked through the city, I remembered that "this is where 9-11 happened". Up ahead we saw emergency vehicles and when we got there, I realized that "this isn't 2010, it's the actual day of 9-11!" The Towers had been hit but hadn't fallen yet...and I was terrified because we were right there at "ground zero".
I started running and screaming "Run, Jeremy, run!!"... I ran and screamed until I could go no further, and when I turned around, I couldn't see Jeremy anywhere. I woke up.
Two nights later I had a dream that I was driving a car in San Francisco and lost control of it on the road. It slid off the road and into a river (?) and began to sink. I found myself in the passenger seat now with the water rising. It was then that I heard a voice telling me exactly what to do..."Put your hand on the door and feel that the window is down. Keep your hand there until I tell you to move." I did as I was told and felt the water rising higher and higher. At a certain point, when the water inside the car was level with the water in the river, the Voice said "Now! Slip out the window and into the river, and swim away from the car!"
Again, I did as I was told and swam away from the car safely as it sank under the water. When I made it to the side of the river, there was a couple there who helped me and fed me. I woke up.
The message is clear: as I go on this unexpected journey, I have a choice. I can allow fear to overcome me and drive me into panic and trying to run to safety on my own... OR... I can quiet down and listen for the voice of the One who loves me and is with me. I can hear His voice and allow Him to guide me through the challenges of the journey to a safe place where I am cared for.
In the past few weeks, when I get quiet, I realize that He is there and that His voice is speaking...loving and wise. My prayer is that I will listen and respond....for I know that I will find my way if I do.
Thank you so much for your continued prayers and support...John and I are truly experiencing the reality of God's presence and His answering your prayers! My energy is returning as my pain continues to diminish due to no weight-bearing. I'm sleeping better. I'm able to work some and things feel more stable. It's still a strange land we are in, but we know we are not alone!
Blessings,
Joanna
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
If I Only Had a Brain!
Life on the yellow brick road really is different!
In the mornings, I'm Dorothy. I wake up feeling pretty good, even if I haven't slept well. I'm ready to face what the day brings and to fully engage in this new season of life, with its limitations, challenges and opportunities for healing and transformation. Ready to continue down the road and see what is around the next corner!
After I get through what I call "the morning routine" (two hours to get up, hot bath/exercises to tend to my knee, get dressed lying on the floor-fun!, time for reflection/prayer, breakfast) I find that I can work with a clear head and focused energy for 2-4 hours.
Then 11:30 a.m. comes and I suddenly become the Scarecrow! You know, stumbling and bumbling down the road, needing someone's steadying hand so I don't fall down, and singing "If I only had a brain!"
I think it's a combination of not getting enough sleep (I wake up at 2:30 a.m. and maybe sleep or maybe not after that) and the stress of dealing with physical limitations and huge changes in lifestyle. Whatever the cause, my brain shuts down right around lunchtime and I can't really think clearly or function well much after that. Everything seems overwhelming and exhaustion sets in. So I rest and watch movies and take naps.
My sweetheart is always working- at his two jobs, in the house, in the garden...doing his things and now a lot of what I used to be able to do. And so I try to rest because I want to at least get dinner on the table for him.
We've devised a system whereby John grills meat for the whole week on Sunday afternoon so that part is done. I have what I call a little "chopping station" in the kitchen- a stool to sit on, a pulled-out drawer to prop my leg on, a cutting board and knives and bowls. That's where I make a salad or whatever else will go with dinner. I've figured out how to move things around the kitchen from the counter to the stool to the stove, and I'm getting pretty good at it! It takes about 2 hours to prepare dinner and have it on the table when he gets home. It makes me feel really good to be able to do that for him, even though I'm often so tired by the time we sit down to eat that I just want to eat and then do my "evening routine" so I can go to bed and sleep! :-)
And three days a week I go to therapeutic water exercise class. It takes 3 1/2 hours to get ready, go to the 45 minute class, come home, bathe/wash hair, deal with the wet swimsuit and towels and get dressed.
John and I have been processing the news that I won't be having surgery any time soon to give me a new knee, and that life for the next 6-18 months will be much like I've described above. This is the nature of our journey for the time being. A very different life from the one we've lived to this point...the "we're both very busy from dawn until dark, neither of us home much, not much time for rest, focused on work and doing things for other people" kind of life. Now John is even busier and I'm wandering around in Oz. We're accepting this new reality and gradually working out how to adjust and how to take care of ourselves and find the miracles and gifts that are all around.
And in the midst of it all, we are deeply touched by your love, prayers and encouragement...and the ever-present love and strength of God.
Thank you....
Joanna
In the mornings, I'm Dorothy. I wake up feeling pretty good, even if I haven't slept well. I'm ready to face what the day brings and to fully engage in this new season of life, with its limitations, challenges and opportunities for healing and transformation. Ready to continue down the road and see what is around the next corner!
After I get through what I call "the morning routine" (two hours to get up, hot bath/exercises to tend to my knee, get dressed lying on the floor-fun!, time for reflection/prayer, breakfast) I find that I can work with a clear head and focused energy for 2-4 hours.
Then 11:30 a.m. comes and I suddenly become the Scarecrow! You know, stumbling and bumbling down the road, needing someone's steadying hand so I don't fall down, and singing "If I only had a brain!"
I think it's a combination of not getting enough sleep (I wake up at 2:30 a.m. and maybe sleep or maybe not after that) and the stress of dealing with physical limitations and huge changes in lifestyle. Whatever the cause, my brain shuts down right around lunchtime and I can't really think clearly or function well much after that. Everything seems overwhelming and exhaustion sets in. So I rest and watch movies and take naps.
My sweetheart is always working- at his two jobs, in the house, in the garden...doing his things and now a lot of what I used to be able to do. And so I try to rest because I want to at least get dinner on the table for him.
We've devised a system whereby John grills meat for the whole week on Sunday afternoon so that part is done. I have what I call a little "chopping station" in the kitchen- a stool to sit on, a pulled-out drawer to prop my leg on, a cutting board and knives and bowls. That's where I make a salad or whatever else will go with dinner. I've figured out how to move things around the kitchen from the counter to the stool to the stove, and I'm getting pretty good at it! It takes about 2 hours to prepare dinner and have it on the table when he gets home. It makes me feel really good to be able to do that for him, even though I'm often so tired by the time we sit down to eat that I just want to eat and then do my "evening routine" so I can go to bed and sleep! :-)
And three days a week I go to therapeutic water exercise class. It takes 3 1/2 hours to get ready, go to the 45 minute class, come home, bathe/wash hair, deal with the wet swimsuit and towels and get dressed.
John and I have been processing the news that I won't be having surgery any time soon to give me a new knee, and that life for the next 6-18 months will be much like I've described above. This is the nature of our journey for the time being. A very different life from the one we've lived to this point...the "we're both very busy from dawn until dark, neither of us home much, not much time for rest, focused on work and doing things for other people" kind of life. Now John is even busier and I'm wandering around in Oz. We're accepting this new reality and gradually working out how to adjust and how to take care of ourselves and find the miracles and gifts that are all around.
And in the midst of it all, we are deeply touched by your love, prayers and encouragement...and the ever-present love and strength of God.
Thank you....
Joanna
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)