Where Am I?

When I go on a journey, having a map is a must. Once I figure out where I am and where I'm headed, the map shows me the way.

Having osteonecrosis isn't like that. Every doctor I've seen so far doesn't know any more about it than I do from researching on the Internet...it is that rare. Yesterday I saw a vascular surgeon and she handed me the same article I had just printed out at home the day before! And she asked me to keep her posted on my journey so she can learn something about this disease.

I feel disoriented, like Dorothy did when she found herself in Oz. I don't know fully yet where I am- how did I get here (how did this happen)?; how extensive is the damage? (the doctors don't want to do another MRI for various reasons and I'm left not knowing if it's limited to my knee or if my ankle or other joints are affected). Where am I?

And I definitely don't know where I am headed. If it's just my one knee, there will probably be a good outcome. If my ankle is involved, I may never walk normally or hike again. There may be one surgery or many surgeries ahead. The pain from ON is second only to bone cancer and many of the stories I'm reading that others with this disease have written tell of shattered lives and chronic pain and disability. What lies ahead?

What I DO know is that I am not alone...and that makes all the difference as I try to get "the lay of the land". I know that many people are praying. Yesterday, the day after I sent out the email asking for prayer, I actually slept all night and awakened with no pain in my ankle and no extreme stiffness in my knee. That's not happened in two months! Then I received a call from a vascular surgeon at Kaiser, asking me to come in that afternoon for an appointment and we ruled out vascular disease as a cause of the bone death in my knee. This is a great relief, to know that I'm not also dealing with heart/artery disease.

Both of these immediate answers to prayer were a great encouragement to John and I, as were the emails I've received from a number of you. Thank you!

Whatever the reality of my situation is, and whatever lies ahead... I know that I am not alone. Jesus is here now and He will be with me on the path ahead, offering me grace and peace and His loving presence...and for this I am so grateful.

Onward!