When I think about Dorothy's journey down the yellow brick road, I remember that much of it was a wonderful adventure. Coming from a world in "black and white" in the movie, she stepped into a technicolor Oz. It was a beautiful place, for the most part. And she made new friends along the way, true and loyal friends...and they sang together, had hope together and found courage together.
I've been on my own "long and winding" yellow brick road for 8 weeks now. My crutches and wheelchair have become my friends, helping me make the journey. The terrible pain of osteonecrosis has gradually diminished as I've been putting no weight on my left leg and now I basically have no pain and can sleep through the night. As a result, my energy has returned over the past couple of weeks, and for this John and I are very grateful. And I've found my brain again!
I find myself in a nice "window" of time where I feel almost normal...except for the clunk, clunk, clunk that lets people know I'm coming! :-) As the crisis has passed, I am now into a routine that gets me through the days and allows me to work about 20 hours a week. I've even been able to be at the Journey Center a bit during the day, getting reconnected with the staff and hosts and guests. And we continue to feel your support and prayers along the way...wonderful!
Dorothy had dark places along the road- the apple trees, the monkeys, etc. I still have dark places, too... a day here and there of frustration or depression, and I find that I am not alone in those places. God is present, full of compassion, and He always sends help and lifts my spirits eventually.
John and I realzed over the weekend that while we are enjoying this more stable time, we are beginning now to anticipate our arrival in the Emerald City, the place where we are headed. In about three weeks, I will begin weight bearing and that is when we'll see what's been happening inside my knee. Has my body been growing new blood vessels, absorbing the dead bone and laying down new bone? No one knows...no one can say, except me when I start trying to walk again. The moment of truth...
Our hope is that I will gradually be able to bear more and more weight and some day get my full strength back so I can walk and hike and dance (I've decided that if I can walk again, I'm going to learn to dance!).
And, to be honest, there is a small feeling of dread as well...what if the pain returns, and the sleepless nights and the utter exhaustion? What if nothing has changed?
That is when we are reminded of the two nightmares and the choice (see the previous post). Panic or trust? Fear or surrender...which will it be?
We choose to trust, and we thank you for your prayers these next three weeks for "revascularization" and healing...and hope and courage.We are so very grateful for your love and support- our true and loyal friends!
Blessings,
Joanna
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